well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
