The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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