I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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