ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
