I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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