its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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