your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
