Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
