remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
