i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
