There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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