i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
