He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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