garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She's JV to your varsity
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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