dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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