Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
