I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
