tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
