We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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