so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
