We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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