Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
