oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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