so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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