I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
