just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
