How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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