every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
