You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
