I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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