Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
