Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
