I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
