I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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