She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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