dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
