I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
