when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
