Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
