I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
