I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
