I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
