I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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