Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
