I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
