WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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