I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
should my penis look like a turkey
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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