Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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