office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
