Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
