We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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