he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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