Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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