i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
