haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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