3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
