I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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