That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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