Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
