naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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