On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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