well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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