I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
