do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
