TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
