i think my mom watched the whole time
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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