Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
