I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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