My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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