It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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