and she was petting her beer can
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
