I wish my penis had an off switch
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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