Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
