i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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