So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
